summer time

finished the first exam today. wasn't that good wasn't that bad. i do hope i get good grades for this paper. i really did study pretty hard for it. sigh. was just thinking.. about how contented i am with myself lately. to have been able to move on. tatcha once said that you learn to live without it. and i for one, know that i have finally learned to live without it. i'm happy to know that. i don't feel anything anymore. you're just another person in the street to me for all i care. who cares about those wasted years. 4 years, it's nothing considering as to you didn't care at all did you. so here's to those stupid reckless days, those wasted hours, the wasted effort. *au revoir*.... i never really mentioned it out loud. but, you were the motivation for me to lose weight and be what i am. but i could've saved so much time. i could've gone some place better. but it's over. i'm stronger now. and i'm sure i bloody won't be making the same stupid mistakes again and i won't be back at your door.

i've lived through nineteen augusts...

it seems like ages since the last i've posted. sad to say i've lost the motivation to blog since hardly anyone reads my blog.

school has been fine since, i find myself taking a liking to most of my classmates. i've not felt this at ease in school ever. and it may seem that i joke alot and make people laugh, but does that really mean a sign of immaturity? or is it just a genuine desire to make people happy?

as i go about school enjoying the company of my classmates and paying attention in class, my mind tend to drift back to thoughts of my two years in ite. and i ask myself.' how crucial was it for me to have gone through those two years?' would i have been better off without it? would it have changed me and moulded me to be a better person? i seriously want to know... i also remember how alone i felt during those two years. in huge contrast to the 3 awesome months i've been in temasek poly. how i would go about during break in ite by myself... shaking in anxiety over how i'd be able to find a sit when i was always by myself. and then going to the library to pass the time.. by myself of course. then i think to myself how on earth i survived those two years. alone. literally.

i could have gone astray. i could have just given up. but somehow, i pulled through. not by my own power of course.i realised, that without God, maybe it wouldn't have been so.

then i think, why was i posted to temasek polytechnic? and not architecture in Singapore polytechnic... and i feel weird. i feel somehow. thankful that i'm in TP, if not so, i wouldn't have met my classmates and made new friendships. i remember that day the posting for our schools came out on the internet.. i was sincerely hoping that i would get into architecture, my dream, my future, as i had hoped. but then, i saw this course.

i was shocked, hurt, confused. i never told any of my youth friends, neither my classmates. i cried. for the first time in my life, i felt so vulnerable, so hopeless. i cried that i didn't get in. but now that i'm enjoying my school. i think back.. what if i have never put this course into the list of 5 choices.. i wouldnt hvae gotten into any school at all, since obviously i wasn't cut out to be in any of the design courses i applied for. so for that, i;m thankful. thankful for god's hand, that though i didn't see it back then. i see it now.

they say change is the only constant. for the two years i was in ITE. the prospect of studying architecture in poly was one important factor in getting through.. but now that i'm in a totally different course. one that i would never have thought of.. business engineering. i feel a change in mind set. i think, is there still hope in architecture? or is what planned ahead for me something totally different? i don't know.. maybe it's something God planned for me yet again, and i just can't see it just yet.

the year is nearing its end. august is here already, pretty soon christmas decorations will be up and christmas songs will be resonating in most houses in singapore. yet, have i made any progress with our friendship? i think that, after all these years. i guess we've come closer to each other. been more at ease.. i just wish you'd put in more effort (:

anyways, i've got go .... don't expect another post so soon.. but do tag to say hello.

ciao babes!